Scale Descriptions

Many different theoretical positions have been offered as the most reasonable way to define love. Sternberg and Barnes (1988) offers an excellent collection of these views. Since there is no general agreement as to the best way to operationally define love, it seems important to clarify the underlying theoretical constructs in the LFI scales. It is important to remember that the context for the LFI is one’s ability to engage in intimate loving interpersonal relationship: not the ability to fall into romantic love. In general, an integration of psychological and spiritual concepts are used in the development of the various scales.

Compassion

The Compassion scale is based upon traditional Judea-Christian and Buddhist teachings. These philosophies speak about love and various methods individuals can use to become more loving. In order to attain this expanded state of love certain practices are suggested: forgiveness (the teaching of Christ), compassion (the teachings of Buddha), wisdom (the teaching of the Talmud). These three concepts, which are reflected in the various items in the Compassion scale, are purported to be the component elements in compassion. It is suggested here that compassion is an important aspect of one’s ability to love because it requires an individual to move beyond his/her personal frame of reference. In any definition of love, it seems essential to include some component that addresses one’s ability to give to others, care about others, and feel for others. Mother Teresa might be the best living example of this type of love.

Friendship

Various theorist have discussed the importance of friendships in loving relationships (Sternberg, 1986; Peel, 1988; Davis and Todd, 1982). It is suggested here that a couple needs a deeper bond than merely romantic love to sustain them during the life of a relationship. The friendship scale is included here because it seems essential to identify the ability of an individual to be a good friend to another human being. The ability to engage in intimate relationships that are sustained over many years requires a steadfastness, an ability to commit, and an ability to openly demonstrate one’s consideration for another.

Intimacy

The intimacy dimension of the LFI is a rather conventional concept. Psychological theories (Bolby, 1969; Harlow, 1958, 1959) have discussed the importance of one’s ability to develop and sustain close emotional connections. The ability to maintain intimate, loving personal relationships over time seems central to a practical evaluation of love. A successful loving relationship is not an “in and out” affair. A great deal of emotional pain is generated when people bond very deeply and then one partner quickly creates emotional and psychological distance. The intimacy scale considers an individual’s ability to comfortably sustain the closeness that is achieved.

Masculine/Feminine

The Masculine/Feminine scale is based upon Jungian constructs of the anima and animus (Jung, 1956, 1959) and theories from social psychology which suggest that the ability to sustain loving intimate relationships is highly related to one’s manner of processing feelings and emotions. It is suggested that loving intimate relationship require a sensitivity and an intimate communion that bonds individuals at the deeper levels of the psyche. These profound inner regions of the self are not accessed through the intellect, but through feelings and emotions. The theory presented within the LFI suggests that an individual who is comfortable and has access to his/her inner life of feelings, emotions, and intuition is better equipped to access and understand the deeper aspects of another individual as well. It is inferred that the deeper bonding that occurs in this process enhances one’s ability to be available for a loving intimate connection.

white man with anger and envy to black co-worker

Primitive Self

The basis for the Primitive Self scale originates from concepts of the Shadow from Jungian Psychology (Jung, 1959) and general psychodynamic theories concerning defense mechanism such as splitting in Object Relations theory (Kernberg, 1976) and projective identification in Kleinian theory (Segal, 1964). These various theories suggest that the more primitive, “darker,” often times, unacceptable parts of the self must be integrated into the personality. The results of disowning or splitting off of these elements can lead to serious psychological problems. This issue becomes most relevant in the discussion of loving intimate relationships. Successful intimate relationships are very demanding psychologically. One must be able to differentiate one’s emotional material from another and refrain from projecting unwanted or unacceptable parts of the psyche onto another. In addition, it is very helpful to have the clarity to perceive when another is projecting unwanted or disowned parts of their psyche onto you. The recent popular discussion of dysfunctional relationships deals in large part with this issue. Couples and families in a state of psychological confusion, fusion, and enmeshment where ego boundaries are poorly defined and/or respected typify the problems that result when the primitive self material is not adequately addressed and integrated. The Primitive Self scale becomes central to the exploration of love within intimate relationships.

Psychological Adjustment

The underlying construct of this scale rely heavily upon the theories of Ego Psychology (Hartmann, 1939) which suggests that the way an individual responds to his/her environment is central to the question of effective human functioning and the process of psychotherapy. Ego psychology focuses upon the integrative functions of thinking, perception, and organization. Adaptive styles, or defense mechanism are central themes for clinical investigation. In essence, how an individual perceives and process internal and external information becomes critical to that person’s level of psychological development.

The ability to fluidly exchange emotional and intellectual material from one’s inner world to the outside environment and vice a versa becomes predictive of healthy psychological functioning. Rigid ego boundaries resulting from fear and insecurity that do not allow for the sharing of the most intimate aspects of the self are counterproductive to the giving and receiving of love. Psychological adjustment is inferred from the ability to effectively open oneself at an emotional level, the sense of feeling fulfilled in life, the ability to receive the goodness that the life has to offer, and the ability to consciously choose significant partners who are loving and supportive.

It is suggested that an individual who carries a high degree of fear and insecurity, perceives others to be insensitive, and reports feeling unfulfilled in life will be less able to effectively deal with the complex demands of intimate loving relationships.

Romantic Love

This scale is based upon Jungian concepts of depth psychology which discuss the underlying dimensions that lead to personal wholeness and integration (Johnson, 1977a, 1977b, 1983). A well functioning individual is able to access integrated parts of the self in order to respond to the challenges of everyday life. The idealized romantic fantasy holds that through the romantic union with another, one is made whole and complete. This romantic promise is strongly communicated in the film media and appears to have a strong impact on the expectations and beliefs of individuals in our culture. This scale was added to the overall investigation of loving intimate relationships since a strong positive identification with this romantic notion can create fertile ground for unhappy, painful relationships. The Romantic Love scale was also added as an attempt to provide educational material for those responding high in romantic love but lower on other LFI scales. Individuals who have strong beliefs regarding romance, often do not fully understand the need for the other qualities included in the LFI.

Self-Respect

The theoretical basis for this scale is primarily derived from Object Relations theory (Guntrip,1968; Fairbain, 1952; Winnicott, 1965) which suggests that an individual’s inner psychological structure is developed from the internalization of important, significant figures, i.e., mother, father, in that individual’s life. Object relations theory would also suggest that an individual’s action towards others would also be determined by the quality of that person’s inner world. For example, an individual with a very severe and punitive internalized parent, would tend to be more judging and critical of others as well. The obvious conclusion from this line of reasoning is that it would be very difficult for an individual to love and respect another individual if self-respect does not exist. Self-respect was felt to be an important dimension in the exploration of one’s ability to engage in loving intimate relationships. It is suggested that any definition of love without including a sense of respect and value for the individual would be rather empty.

Young man comforting distress female friend

Sensitivity

The basic premise of the Sensitivity scale centers on the belief that one must be able to accurately perceive the subtle nuances, i.e., feelings, moods, changing states, of another individual in order to appropriately respond in a kind, sensitive and nurturing fashion. This type of sensitivity allows for clear communication and greater intimacy. It is also suggested that specific actions that demonstrate a sensitivity for another’s feelings and needs is also important in successful intimate relationships. Sensitivity is defined in the LFI as both the ability to perceive and to sincerely act upon what is perceived.

Spirituality

Perhaps the most unique aspect of the LFI is the Spirituality scale. Some have questioned the relevance of this scale in the investigation of love within intimate relationships. The argument has been presented that loving another human being has little to do with one’s spiritual views. This argument is typically presented by those who do not feel a strong spiritual component in their lives. I would agree with the argument that one’s spiritual “views” are probably not always predictive of how an individual will behave in a close loving relationship. Although one’s beliefs do determine, to some extent, how one will act.

It is critical to note, however, that the LFI does not solely attempt to measure beliefs, but rather one’s behavior and inner psychological-spiritual experience. Herein lies the differences and the value of this particular scale. The Spirituality scale also addresses one’s actual experience of feeling expanded states of love, one’s feelings about serving others, and one’s connection to the innermost Self.

It is suggested here that a valuable connection exists between one’s ability to love another human being and one’s sense of feeling filled with a greater, expansive love that may be expressed in service for others. Spiritual transformative teachings typically address the development process that occurs as one moves from states of personal love to more expanded states of universal love (Wilber, 1982). The latter state of consciousness becomes more inclusive.

If an individual responds in the affirmative to “I feel sacred realms of love and bliss, ” and “Sometimes I feel so much love that I can hardly contain it,” then it suggested that greater capacities for personal love are also available. It is important to consider other scale scores as well.

A high spirituality score does not guarantee and healthy, well integrated loving individual. A high spirituality scale score along with other high scale scores does suggests something more, however, than other scale scores being elevated without the Spirituality scale being elevated. The latter type of individual might bring a greater dimension of love and a fuller sense of one’s own Being to the relationship.

It is relevant to note that the research with couples responding to the LFI and the Spanier Dyadic Adjustment Scale, a measure of marital adjustment, showed a significant difference between adjusted and non-adjusted couples on a majority of the LFI scales, including the Spirituality scale. (Mann, R., 1991) Well adjusted couples scored significantly higher on the Spirituality scale than non-adjusted couples. In the larger national sample, married couples scored significantly higher on the Spirituality scale than single individuals who have never been married. (Mann, R. and Braun-Smith, 1990b ). Patricia D. Roth (1988) also found a significant positive relationship between marital adjustment and spirituality. These results clearly indicate that spirituality is worthy of inclusion in a measure related to one’s ability to intimately relate to another human being. In addition, one’s belief about the nature of life, the underlying purpose of existence, and one’s place in that purpose also seems relevant to how an individual will treat another human being in the most intimate circumstances. For example, if an individual strongly believes that life is an opportunity for personal development, he/she might be more available and willing to spend the time necessary for problem solving and intimate personal relating. It is true that such a belief alone does not guarantee anything, other LFI scales would also have to be elevated such as Intimacy, Sensitivity, Psychological Adjustment, and Trust to strongly suggest a well developed capacity for successful intimate relating. The Spiritual scale does provide another piece of useful information in the complex issue of love within intimate personal relationships.

Child leaping off a boulder into his father's arms

Trust

The Trust scale is based upon basic psychological concepts from Eric Erikson (1950). Trust is obviously the basic building block in the foundation for a strong and secure sense of self. As Erikson has suggested, personal development is arrested and effective autonomous actions are thwarted when the earliest developmental needs for safe, comforting, and nurturing relationships are not provided. Trust becomes an obvious issue in one’s ability to effectively relate in loving intimate personal relationships.

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